


Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight? Haha, Just Kidding... Unless...?

by pridecookies



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Crack, F/M, Im tired, hawke is drunk as shit, i just wanted orsino to do that ankle thing, its that basically, look i dont know, shitpost, you know like in cartoons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pridecookies/pseuds/pridecookies
Summary: You are probably wondering how I got here. No one knows. Especially not me.
Relationships: Female Hawke/Orsino
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight? Haha, Just Kidding... Unless...?

“Thank you for coming, Champion. Few will associate with me now that I am the focus of Meredith’s ire. Which leaves me in a difficult position. She’s not entirely wrong.”

The First Enchanter stood poised and tall-ish, but not really very tall. He felt tall but he was indeed short. Hawke looked around his office and was struck but the exorbitant amount of knives and some odd books titled, “ _Blood Magic for Dummies_ ” and “ _How To Avoid Conflict But Also Instigate It?_ ” and then a very strange one that struck her eye entitled, “ _Brie: Fact or Fiction_?”

She realized he was still talking and turned around to look back at him. Strange, his eyes were roughly half the side of his skull and she couldn’t help but feel like that was a design flaw from the Maker himself, perhaps just very strange decisions made because the He was given less time to develop his creations than was probably best for Thedas. Hawke imagined a timeline of say, eighteen months or so, was probably used for the Maker and she felt that really wasn’t enough time for the expansive narrative the Maker was trying to relay to them all. But hey, He didn’t do a bad job considering. 

“...heard rumors, whispers, of a meeting tonight in Hightown.”

“Will there be food there?”

“What?”

“Nevermind. Please continue.”

“Ah, right. Well, I would go myself but should I leave the tower without permission, Meredith would consider it proof of my involvement.”

“So, I shouldn’t slit my risks and dance naked under the moonlight just to fit in?”

“If that’s what you intend,” Orsino said with a wry smile, “Perhaps I will join you after all.”

Hawke shrugged, “Yeah, sure.”

Orsino paused. 

“What?”

“I don’t have any dinner plans, might as well.”

Orsino looked around his office. 

“You serious?”

“Yeah, I am honestly game for most things and you seem trustworthy.”

The First Enchanter narrowed his eyes. 

“Alrighty, then. Be here at six o’clock. I have plans.”

Hawke shrugged, “Alright, my dude.” 

* * *

When Hawke arrived, she noticed that Orsino’s office had been utterly transformed. There were strange candelabras in every corner and all the curtains were shut tight. It smelled odd, almost like questionable moral choices. She frowned. Orsino was nowhere to be found. 

“Hey, buddy,” she called out, “Here for the thing.”

Orsino dramatically pulled back a curtain and emerged from the corridor, wearing a hooded cloak and an alluring smile. He was holding out a leg just so, showing off an ankle rather scandalously. 

“ _You have arrived, Lady Hawke_.”

“Yeah,” she sat down on a nearby chair. “Are we doing this or what?”

The First Enchanter frowned, his fivehead starting to wrinkle with the expression. 

“You surprise me, Hawke,” he said, walking over to a small covered plate. He uncovered it and revealed several expensive cheeses, “Would you like some cheese?”

“I would indeed,” Hawke said, grabbing a small piece. “Hold on, are these fucking Orlesian cheeses?”

“No.”

“Good, those actually could kill me if I ate them. It’s my one weakness.”

“Cheese is a complicated thing,” Orsino said, “Some cheeses are more palatable than others. Easy to understand. While other cheese is more nuanced. It isn’t that the cheese is bad, per say,” he said while languidly cutting into a piece and eating it, almost with the kind of care one would use to slit their own wrists. “It just requires a more educated palate.”

“Hey, Orsino?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you a blood mage?”

“Nah.”

“Okay, cool. Is this brie?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded?”

“No, I did not.”

“There was _de brie everywhere_.”

Orsino stared at her with his sixhead. 

“Do you get it? It’s a pun.”

“Yes, Hawke. I get it.”

“Okay.”

“Anyway, cheese offers some complexities. Similar to--” he looked around the office, “--I don’t know, maybe... often stigmatized magic schools.”

“Orsino,” Hawke rolled her eyes, “I came here to dance naked in the moonlight and eat cheese and we are all out of cheese. So, let’s get to it.”

“Alright, then,” he stood, pulling his cult cloak over his sevenhead. 

* * *

“Hawke,” Orsino sighed, stopping in the middle of Hightown’s streets.

“What?”

“I have enjoyed every moment we have had together. From that time you talked to me earlier today, to that passionate exchange about cheese just now, to this specific moment we are experiencing. So many memories. You have become important to me. More important than I could have imagined.”

“That’s weird,” Hawke frowned, “That last bit sounds like something someone would say to me before they betrayed me and left me without appropriate explanation for several years..”

“Yeah, I am about to do that kind of thing.”

“Oh, got it. Continue then.”

“Alright, so I was kind of not entirely honest with you about some things. I can’t have you dance naked with me in the moonlight while we slit our wrists right now. I am anemic and at the moment, I don’t have enough iron to handle that sort of thing in bulk.”

“Okay.”

“And I actually kind of do that all the time, so I am capped out.”

“Orsino.”

“Yeah?”

“You a blood mage?”

“Sometimes, yeah.”

“Ah, buddy. It’s fine. I am also a blood mage.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah.”

Orsino’s eighthead was wrinkled. 

“How--” he looked around, “--how is that possible?”

“I don’t know, some guy just showed me on the street.”

“That’s weird, what a strange decision.”

“Yeah, but my girlfriend is pretty pissed at me. She’s a filthy blood mage.”

“ _How are you possible_?”

“No idea.”

“Okay, well. I think we should just… go our separate ways.”

“Alright, awesome. Do you know anything about these murders?”

“Nah.”

“Cool, you seem trustworthy. Since we are both blood mages, let’s get together soon and maybe do some of that naked dancing in the moonlight. I should go, though. I need to talk to Meredth about what we should do to tackle this filthy blood mage problem.”

“What the fuck.”

“Bye!”  
  



End file.
